My Story #7 - Be Careful What You Ask For…

… because you might just get it!

I had spent 7 years wanting to get my career back and finally I had done it. But as well as my job, there was something else that needed addressing.

On graduation day I decided that I had to leave my hospital drama behind me. It had haunted me in many ways for a whole year. I had gone into hospital on the 7th July 2005 (the day of the London Bombings! What’s with all this significant stuff happening on the same day as disasters??) and I graduated on the 6th July the following year. My new job began on the 10th.

During that year I had become incredibly unfit (it was three months before I could walk up the stairs without getting out of breath after coming out of hospital) and I was at my heaviest. I decided that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and start doing something about it. I vowed that as soon as I started my job I would start a diet and would find a gym and start exercising.

My first day was great! I arrived early with so much enthusiasm I thought I was going to pop! The guys were lovely and they took me to the pub at lunch. I was a bit worried that there might be trust issues due to my past but as my interviewer (who was now my boss) had told me, it simply wasn’t an issue. The higher management were aware of it and nobody else needed to know.

Finally, I put my demons behind me - a cloud lifted, I felt a release… seven years of guilt and shame was finally laid to rest!

I threw myself into my work. I stocked up on all the latest programming books and spent every spare minute studying. On the second day I found a gym 5 minutes from the office and joined and from that day onwards I went every day. It was really tough at first but I just kept at it and built up very slowly. I started dieting too.

After 4 months I started karate again which is something I had quit at the age of 19 and had always wanted to take up again! My fitness grew, the fat dropped off, my confidence grew, my life was getting better.

Something Not Quite Right

You’re probably wondering about the title to this episode, I got what I asked for and I was thrilled wasn’t I? At first yes I was as I desperately needed to put my past behind me, to forgive myself and move on. I had to get that job to prove to myself that I could do it, that I was worthy.

However, after about 6 months in the job something started to shift again only this time it wasn’t in the right direction. My enthusiasm waned, I started to feel bad for seemingly no reason. I began to dislike the job! I couldn’t understand it - all that struggle, all those years, I got what I wanted so what on earth wasn’t I happy any more?

The problem was that I had been so utterly obsessed with the idea of getting that career back that in those seven years I never stopped to ask myself if that was really what I wanted and as it turned out, it wasn’t! As you know I had been self employed for many years. I began to resent having to be somewhere at 9am every day. My boss started to whine about me going to the gym every day at lunch time and that was something I was not willing to compromise on.

I resented having to ask for time off - I was used to doing just what I wanted, when I wanted. I remember one day Evan had an accident at nursery and he needed surgery. I rushed over to the hospital (he was fine - can’t see the scar now) and the next day my boss demanded that I book that day as holiday. This whole idea of having to do what other people told me was really starting to grate!

Internet Marketing

I still enjoyed development but I just didn’t want to do it for somebody else. Now at some point there is something hazy in my memory. Around this time I discovered Internet marketing again but in a different area to that which I had worked in before. I discovered people like Darren Rowse & Yaro Starak who were the good guys. I honestly don’t remember how I got started but my enthusiasm grew and grew until something very special happened in the summer of 2007…

Stumble it!