My Story #11 - And The Walls Crash Down Again

The bliss that I found with my new partner was very temporary. Only four months later she decided that she no longer wanted to be with me. She gave me some story about her ex but I didn’t really take any notice of that. All I could think about was pondering the question, how did I attract this?

Unlike six months earlier when the breakdown of my relationship came as a complete shock, this time I felt very differently. I didn’t want us to split up but I didn’t fight it at all. I trusted that it was happening for a reason but I was still very confused. I could understand why my previous partner and I had split up because over the course of 10 years we had become very different people but of course that was not the case with this new relationship - nothing would have had a chance to change in just 4 months.

So did that mean that I had attracted the split or did I attract the wrong person in the first place? It slowly became apparent that I had done both. The Law of Attraction can be very complicated at times and when you get it wrong it can hurt! Through a lot of deep reflection I learned many things both about myself and about LoA in general.

Make Sure You Know What You Want

There is no doubt that I got exactly what I wanted. This new partner was everything I imagined beforehand. Also, there were some similarities with my previous partner in that she had a child so all the family stuff that I had been attracting before also manifested. The trouble is, I am not a natural with children. I am not maternal and that was a big problem in my previous relationship.

But here is the major mistake that I made that I didn’t understand for quite some time. When in my previous relationship, in my efforts to ressurrect it I wanted to do more as a family because I knew that was what she wanted. That was my life at the time - we had a child and I had a committment to them. I would never have walked out on them no matter how bad it got. But that was a mistake because I was not happy and I never would have been. Not everybody wants kids, and it turns out that I’m one of the people who doesn’t.

However, I had been attracting a family life and I got it again. My new partner had a child and at first I thought it was exactly what I wanted but I started to notice many problems. I ignored them though as I was so happy with the relationship itself. But a relationship is not just with one person, especially when children are involved. They come as a package, you can’t have the parent without the child.

I had attracted exactly what I asked for, but it turns out that I didn’t really and truly want what I asked for - only bits of it. As I started to look again towards the future I had difficulty fitting in my new partner and her child. We were so very different and at first our differences were fun but after a little while I began to see things differently but of course, I tried very hard to ignore them.

I remember having conversations with friends saying that all that matters is that we love each other and that nothing else matters. I was kidding myself - that’s not all that matters at all!

Be Specific In Your Asking

Many of the differences between us were things that I just hadn’t thought of. My previous partner and I were very similar in lots of ways and that’s probably why we stayed together for so long - we just kind of thought the same way, liked the same things and so on. But I took all this for granted, and when I was busy doing my LoA workshops trying to attract a new partner I never even considered many of these things.

The universe responds to your vibration but if you are not putting out a specific vibration then you are attracting by default. This is why bad stuff happens to good people - they didn’t necessarily attract something bad because they were being negative, they were just plodding along, minding their own business and letting life happen to them.

Everything that I specifically imagined manifested itself in the relationship. It was quite spooky in a way. Even certain decor in her house! But there was so much else that I had given no consideration too. For example, she was messy and I was tidy. I had never even considered this as my ex had always whined at me for being messy! So I got what I asked for, but there was so much I missed out.

This time around I spend time thinking about every little detail. Some things are more important than others of course - being messy isn’t really a big deal but when you have a whole bunch of little things like that they all add up.

The Universe Wants To Teach You

If I hadn’t had that second relationship, I wouldn’t have finally figured out that kids are just not for me. I had had a really good time for 4 months and then I had some pain which was excruciating for a while but it didn’t last. I learnt so much and in my final post in the series next week I’ll talk some more about that but what is clear to me is that this experience, even though it hurt like hell for a while, has put me in a better place now.

I have now got very clear about what I really want from a relationship and when I reflected I noticed that in the 17 years in which I have been in long term relationships, I was only truly happy for 2 of those years. For the other 15 I was settling. That’s just crazy. Why would I do that to myself? Again, the reason was very clear - I have always been quite weak in this area, scared to be alone. I have always stayed in a bad relationship because it seemed easier than being alone. The trouble is that life is too short to do that and I have now promised myself that I won’t do it again.

I very much want a relationship but only with the right person - somebody who really does tick all the boxes. If I hadn’t had this second breakup wake me up I wouldn’t have made that decision and I might have found myself wasting another 10 years with the wrong person.

I am almost at the end of my story. We split up in May and I started this blog a short while later. Join me next week for the last installment!

Stumble it!