I set out to actively lead a life that truly feels good in the Spring of 2008 after a series of setbacks in my personal life. My aim is to spread whatever I learn about feeling good to others through this blog.
My Acceptance Of My Non-Acceptance
There is a common theme in a lot of the reading that I have been doing recently. The Dalai Lama, Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer and others all have this to say:
“Trying to fight ‘what is’ right now is futile and will bring you nothing but suffering”.
This is so true because what is, simply is! The past cannot be changed and the present is what it is. All we can do from this point is move forward from where we are right now. On a conceptual level this makes perfect sense to me.
No matter what the situation is, whether you are single and don’t want to be, or you’ve been fired from your job, or you’ve lost a friend or family member, or you’re suffering from an illness or you have a mountain of debt, etc etc. That is what is it and in this very moment it cannot be changed so why fight it?
Because fighting it is human nature. It’s not fair. Like sucks. Life is hard. I DON’T WANT IT TO BE HOW IT IS! I was in this place this morning. Over the last few months I have been doing pretty well at adjusting to my new life circumstances (I’ll share more about that in my story posts that I’ll be publishing on Fridays) but sometimes I just can’t keep it up.
Sometimes I regress to a five year old and I cry and kick and scream and get very frustrated, impatient, miserable, and generally wallow in self pity. The problem is I ‘know better’ than this now. Because of what I have learning, my belief is that the energy you put out into the world comes back to you so if you just focus on fear and frustration and misery that’s what you’re going to get back.
So then what happens is that I get frustrated at myself for feeling frustrated! I know that I shouldn’t be indulging in negative thoughts and then I start to get scared that I’ll attract more crap into my life for feeling that way. All I am doing here is creating another layer of fear and frustration over the original causes of those emotions. How ridiculous!
Therefore I have now decided that if I can’t accept my current circumstances, then what I can do is accept my non-acceptance! I accept that I am not perfect, that I can act like a spoilt child at times, and that I am wallowing in self-pity when I have a million things to be grateful for. Yes, I am human, I make mistakes, and sometimes I don’t learn from them.
Furthermore, I accept the fact that even if I am willing to undergo a lifelong journey in exploration of a life that feels good that it is entirely possible that I will continue to make mistakes and get frustrated with myself for the rest of my life. I might never reach that enlightened state that certain gurus seem to exude as I mentioned recently.
You know what? That feels better! I’ve let myself off the hook and when I did that I felt a lessening of resistance. Okay so I am still resisting my circumstances but not all of the time. It’s just moments – an hour here and there. The rest of the time I am generally feeling positive and making changes in the areas of my life that I can control.
Of course I already knew this too, I seem to recall having a conversation along these lines with a friend recently but I forget my own advice! Well that’s just human nature too! And that’s also okay. Maybe I should go back and read my own blog hehe.
Stumble it!
Lisa Rutland
July 28, 2008
What you’re describing is called reaching-for-a-better-feeling-thought. If you have been sad or lonely or angry or experiencing any negative emotion for a long time then it’s not possible to snap your fingers and suddenly feel happy. It’s just too much of a stretch. If you’re angry and frustrated rather than trying to flip that to happiness reach for irritation. And from there to neutral before winding your way back to happy and excited.
Positive thinking is a skill just like typing or the ability to create a website in a day. So fighting your current situation is NOT human nature, it’s a habit, but what you’ve done is reached for a thought that feels better than how you were feeling. So even in the midst of your angst you took the step that was needed to create the life that you want. Now that is something to get excited about.
Lisa Rutlands last blog post..6 Ways To Instantly Look Slimmer