Byron Katie, a Heroine of Healing

My friend Jenny Mannion who writes the wonderful blog, Heal Pain Naturally wrote to me to ask if I would participate in her group writing project, Heroes of Healing. The idea is simple - a group of bloggers writing about people who have been heroes (or heroines in my case) of a healing process, be it emotionally of physically. I have several of these heroes and have already mentioned them but I chose to write about Byron Katie for my contribution.

My Healing Journey

Since starting this blog I have been posting weekly chunks of my story that has lead me to the point of going through two major crises within six months and starting this blog. I reached such a low point that I knew that the most important thing I could do for myself would be to learn how to cope with the pain that life throws at you. Often we try to escape our pain, or arrange our lives so that we don’t suffer from any more pain but that kind of thinking tends to cause us to live our lives in fear. Instead I felt it better to accept that sometimes life sucks and find a way of learning how to surrender to life and how to cope on an emotional level.

I had several ‘heroes’ during this time and one of them was Byron Katie. Her book, I Need Your Love, Is That True? was one of the most transformational books that I read in that time and it was also the most relevant to the situation I was going through.

Byron Katie & The Work

Katie (as she prefers to be called) has created a process called The Work which is a process of inquiry where we question our thoughts to determine whether or not they are true. Katie believes that our emotional pain is caused by believing our thoughts, many of which simply aren’t true. The process is very simple and yet, so very powerful.

The questions are:

1) Is it true?
2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4) Who would you be without the thought

She then invites you to turn the thought around. These questions seem simple but when asked against the right thoughts they are capable of creating an ‘aha’ moment that releases you from the prison of your own thinking.

Katie was recently interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and she did The Work with Oprah. Oprah chose to use her weight as the issue. The first step is too find the thought that causes the pain and Oprah decided that it was “my body is too big” which I’m sure is a thought that many of us can relate to. So Katie asked if it was true and Oprah blurted out “Yes it’s true!” but to the second question she hesitated a little bit. Could she absolutely know that it was true that her body was too big? Of course the answer was no.

Slight digression here but this concept has also been touched on by Eckhart Tolle who says that everything is just as it should be and how do we know that? Because that’s what it is. We say things like, my body is too big but what does that mean? Too big to survive in? Obviously not or we’d be dead. Back to Byron Katie & Oprah…

Eventually Oprah had to admit that she couldn’t absolutely know that her body was too big and was able to move onto the next question. When she believed that thought it created a lot of stress and worry, particularly over food. If she didn’t have the thought she concluded that she would feel peace instead of stress.

Why Is The Work Effective?

If you have a look at your own thoughts that are causing you pain you will find that many of them are arguing with “what is”. My partner should not have left me, I should not have cancer, I’m poor, my sister should not be in prison, I hate my job, my mother should love me etc etc. All of these are caused by somehow fighting with current reality and that is always madness. We cannot fight with what is, because what is, just is!

There are many spiritual teachers who teach this message that you cannot argue with reality but the trouble is that many of us do it anyway - it’s human nature! Although I had read this many times before and I understood it on an intellectual level that did not help me stop doing it. I still kicked and screamed in frustration about my current circumstances.

Byron Katie was the first person I encountered who actually provided a practical, workable process that showed me exactly HOW to stop arguing with reality. When we realise that many of our thoughts just aren’t true and that believing them just turns us into stress-monsters, it becomes easier to slowly let those thoughts go. Even if it doesn’t happen overnight it opens a door because every time that thought pops into your head again it doesn’t have as much power as before because inside you know it isn’t true.

Byron Katie’s Story

As with many of our great teachers of today, there is a story behind the person that is there today. In the 80’s Katie suffered from severe depression and self loathing. She hated herself so much that she slept on the floor because she didn’t feel worthy enough to sleep in a bed. She didn’t leave the bedroom except to use the bathroom, her life was a mess. Then in 1986 one morning she got her wake up call. In her words:

I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always.

The transformation that followed was dramatic and swift and those around her could not fail to notice. People began asking her what her secret was and she began to help others question their thoughts in the way she had questioned hers. Over time this process of inquiry became known as “The Work” and is what she teaches today.

What I Learned From Byron Katie

The most profound thing that I learned from Byron Katie is that there is some entity inside of me (I call him my little demon!) that LIES to me. He puts thoughts in my head which are designed to hurt me and these thoughts simply are not true. I also learned that I didn’t need to believe these thoughts - just because they were in my head didn’t mean that I had to own them and make them mine.

Byron Katie Resources

• Official Byron Katie website
• Oprah’s 3-Part interview series
• The Work YouTube Channel
• Books: Loving What Is, A Thousand Names For Joy

Many thanks to Jenny for running this Heroes of Healing project - do be sure to check it out as there are a great many other heroes that are being covered including many of my other favourites such as Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer & Esther Hicks.

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